My cheeks.

Hallo! :3

My cheeks gained weight, not me, yes.

Alright, im assuming that im finally ready to retype everything after dumbly erasing my whole post after typing it out.

I know right :(

Two scenarios that occured to me that left a huge impact on me.

Two scenarios that i wouldnt put as "memorable" but, lets just say i will and can never forget, that occured during my hospitalisation.

Yes, hospitalisation again.

THE HUGS.

Never underestimate the power of hugs.

Or..your brother(s). Hehe.

It was the first few days i was put in the ICU and my lovely brother came over with my Grandmumma.

I remember them standing on he right side of my bed.

And then after a while for some reason i said..

"Aw Iman, i wish i could hug you right now, but i cant."

Let me just tell you that at that point of time was when my all four limbs were weak to their extremes, i couldnt move a thing.

I shall not elaborate, but you get what i mean.

And then Grandmumma took a seat on my right and my brother walked over to my left to take a seat as well.

He also took my huge blue bear.

This one.

Haha then the nurse was looking for the tissue box and i was wondering why.

I turned to my brother and was like okay, turned away, and then turned back in surprise and shock.

He was like trying to get behind he huge carebear trying to hide his tears.

My reaction?

I screamed and snapped "OI WHY ARE YOU CRYING?! STOP CRYING LAH!?"

Hahahaha lol i know i know...

I just couldnt stand seeing people cry for me (?).

It was like, as long as im not crying, nobody should be crying for me.

Like, the only person who should be crying for me is me.

I can cry for myself.

Nobody should be crying for me.

It just didnt seem right to me.

Hm :/

So yeah, my Grandmumma was shocked as well lol her reaction was much cuter.

("Iman! Eh, kenapa nangis?!")

LOLOLOL.

Just before he left for home that night, i found out the reason why anyway.

I remember Mumma saying "He cried because you said you wanted to hug him but you cant."

Awwwwwwwww eh.

He did hug me by the way.

I couldnt return it at that time but a few weeks later i got better and gave him a hug.

Yup.

I didnt expect my brother's reaction, really.

Now every time this scenario thingy pops up in a conversation my Grandmumma will emphasize on the fact that i "scolded"/snapped at my brother for crying.

("Dia marah nampak adik dia nangis~")

Hahaha lovely.

THE WORDS.

This one was told to me after quite a while.

It all happened post-sedation so i was really REALLY VERY dopey and bzz-ed.

It was the second day i was in the ICU and it was after a procedure.

I was sober but not really at all haha.

I talked but i dont know what i said, i hear things but i dont know what i heard, i see things but i dont know what i saw.

It was all pretty interesting waking up after being sedated.

But naaaaaaaaaaaasty.

I remember pretty clearly opening my eyes and seeing my cousin Aidie (hes in one of my other posts by the way ha) with Mumma standing on the left side of my bed.

I remember smiling at him and saying "Hiiiiiii Aidie~" ad he said Hello as well.

And then my next choice of words just had to be..

"Get me out of here."

I remember chuckling after that and then..guess what?!

My eyes slowly shut again and i fell back asleep.

Heeee. Heeeeeee.

When i woke up for real, he was already out duh. Haha.

Then weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeks later my parents told me he exited almost immediately after i fell back asleep.

Because..he couldnt bear seeing me like that and because of what i said.

Because nobody could really do that for me..

I dont want to elaborate.

Sorry.

But my point is just that sometimes you dont realize how strong the things you say or do are.

Sometimes the people you least expect you react a certain way does so, and vice versa.

I dont know, actions speak a thousand words and words speaks for itself.

One more little thing.

I just really do not think its right to ever think about death or questioning when your life would be taken away.

At any point of time.

I mean, what makes you think life after life would be easier?

I mean, think about it..

What makes you think you can survive life after life if you cant even survive life?

Hm this is in general, though.

Just saying.

When i was at the hospital all i ever thought of was "I wanna get out of here" and not "Hurry up and let me just die here".

Every single bloomin day my head just went "Get me out of here" "I wanna get out of here" constantly.

I was just praying for things to be over.

I remember having Physio three times a day and it was pure hell for me but i just told myself "it will be over".

I ALSO REMEMBER that there are always other people going through even harder times than i am.

I know i am definitely not the worst case and i had to be thankful for that.

Everyone has their own bad stuff to go through.

Stick with people who lifts you higher, that helped me tremendously.

You dont know if you dont believe.

SHIT HAPPENS, YOU JUST HAVE TO PUSH THROUGH.

Ugh i apologize so much if im talking about my hospitalisation so much, i promise the next time i speak of it will be in my HospitaLINsation post.

Im sorry :(

I just wanted to try to show how much actions and words can do.

Not sure if i did but i hope it helped you.

(HEHE RHYMES)

These people helped me push through, and pushed me through, and lifted me high so high.

Of course there are more of you, you know who you are. ;)

By the way, im going to Norway....

Someday.

I will.

Hehe.

Du vet jeg elsker deg.

Goodbye