HTC

Hi hullo.

It is 1049pm this Tuesday night.

But its not just a Tuesday night now is it.

Yup, its the last night of this hospitslinsation. :)

Mkay before you read on any further, allow me to just warn you this post will be just more of my thoughts.

Mmm, so you can leave as you like.

(But read my other posts too first and please do come back okay heheh meh)

I shall just very shortly categorize and summarize everything up for you.

I WILL STILL BE WRITING A WHOLE DAMN STORY ABOUT THIS.

For my eyes only, if you dont care.

If you do, please do ask for it..? :)

Ward 85

So yes, looking back at Day 1, i cant say whether life has been better or worse.

I, however, would not like to compare both Days.

I was stronger, could still stand and walk a little then, but i was weak inside.

It was so easy for me to crack and cry, i thought ive been through alot already, so i went soft.

I also remember just agreeing and saying yes yes yes to all the procedures suggested.

I teared up at the suggestions, and asked silly questions.

Questions that only mattered at that point of time, but not long after.
I was so stupid for being so shallow, but whats past is past eh.
85 wasnt that bad, was where i was introduced to Speech Therapy, then my OT came with the new Physio, and then with the new OT.
85 wasnt that bad, the nurses there were lovely and friendly and were so much of help.

85 wasnt that bad, it was sort of the place where the new doctors and medical students sort of test their newest skills on you so youre sort of unlucky if they do it wrong cuz it means theyre gonna have to do it again.....sort of.

Nah, 85 wasnt that bad.

I had many visitors!

I just really, really didnt expect to leave 85 the way i did.

Never expected.

Never.

.

CICU

I can never forget.

The first few words i heard was "Theyre going to bring you down to ICU...." amongst my desperate attempts at coughing trying to desperately get rid of my phlegm, and then i started crying and shaking my head like crazy, repeating what i tried to make it sound like a firm "I DONT WANT. I DONT WANT. I DONT WANT." but in the end only sounding like a bloody weak "i doh wanh. i doh wanh.. i doh wah...." and i was on oxygen mask so in the end they still did wheel me down.

Lol i think CICU got the most tears.

I can so vividly remember that one Monday they told me they had to shift something down to my left leg and i was so bloody scared and worried i cried the whole day, literally.

I would tear up any time i think about it, at any seconds i could cry, i did.

I remember being asleep one afternoon after PP and then my Physio came and i really didnt have the energy and will to move, and i started crying.

Like a child.

I remember being suctioned and involuntarily crying.

I remember fighting with the bipap machine which was actually keeping me breathing because i was a little too weak to do it on my own and in case i forget to in my sleep.

Too much, too much to remember.

Will write it in the longer version.

But in CICU, there were probably just about

1) Family. There for me. every. single. day.

2) Friends and teachers. Close or not, they came without even informing me, even though they couldnt enter.

3) Nurses. The nurses there were just bloody lovely, cant say more.

4) Therapists and Specialists. Really, really kept me alive lol.

It was all so scary there.

Oh that was also where i was introduced to my Play and Music Specialist :)

...And also my other Physios lololololoooooooooool

I didnt really wanna leave CICU in the end, i was scared to leave.

It was like i trusted that place for some reason.

BUT I DID. :P

High Dependency.

Probably just the place where i got my inside life back.

I mean, it was almost just hardcore therapy and treatment and catching up with my abilities and social life, almost.

Place is far different from 85/CICU, though, in so many (different) ways.

But, yeah, felt i got Lin back here.

Not entirely, though.

I have nothing much to say yet, surprisingly.

Probably cuz i havent left yet.

I like this room :(

But ill be back next week anyway.

AH.

The time now is 1207am, Wednesday.

In twelve hours, i will be home.

I wish i could share with you this little feeling i feel at the thought of home after almost two months.

Its better, i suppose.

Looking forward to the things planned to happen at home.

Cookies ahhh yeahhh~ :3

I shall write in more interestingly next time.

Just thought id let some touchy thoughts out.

Appreciate what you have.

Dont waste time crying over teenage love, or on make up, or whos hating on who, or if you should hate who back or not or..

Live, laugh, study, learn, love, eat, run, paint, make people feel better, make YOURSELF feel better.

Make the world a better place.

Heal the cookie.

This is what i look like on my last night of this 66 days.

My English is crashing, so is the rest of me.

Time for my midnight meds.

You know i love you.

Goodbye