Wut izz gud.

Whats good.

I went home, of course.

In my favorite top.

Which i can hardly fit in anymore.

I practically squeezed into it.

I cannot fit into my home clothes anymore.

4 more days.

I have no pants convinient enough for my painful leg.

I cant think of any simple tops i could fit in.

God, i cant think of anything.

Going out would spell troublesomeness..

Online shopping would take too long and the sizes..

Im guessing my size is gonna go up like my cheeks did..

Plus the mad rush at cleaning up the house baking cookies cooking dishes cleasning up the house decorating the house for Hari Raya..

No time to find replacements for this new body of mine.

Oh God, give me strength to accept all that youve given me and put my way and to overcome all these obstacles please.

I need it, i need You.

Strength to accept and get used to me now.

To believe that it will pass and i will get the chance to be who i finally want to be, and to go back to who i was.

I just cant get used to this body yet.

I just cant look at myself in the mirror fully yet.

I just..need.....

"Allah masih sayangkan kaklina(me), tu pasal dia masih kasi kaklina chance, tenaga dan semangat nak baik balik. Pelan pelan nanti insyallah baik. Semangat mesti kuat."

- Grandmummy said this to me today.

Semangat mesti kuat.

Trying to kuatkan my semangat and holding it there is probably the hardest, but sometimes i hardly realize im doing so.

That is very important, though.

Must have the will.

Anddddddd, of course the smile.

It will help everyone else too :)

Ah, this is all supposed to be in "the story".

Today im in my new PJs Grandmummy bought me.

Should i add on more bracelets?

That pock-cat is so cute.

You know i love you.

Goodbye