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Hello.

Part I

Ive once been asked how i can write about my days in such a detailed way.

Well, all i can say is that i use my diary.

School diary, that is, since i spend most of my days in school more than at home.

Writing in my diary helps me keep track of stuff.

If you see my diary i usually write in pencil and i write really reaaallly small, only for my eyes to read.

I write funny things that happened in the day, and what i brought for recess and homework and..

And i realized most of the time in class my mind is elsewhere like on 13 January at 1130-1131am i wrote "MY MIND, RIGHT NOW, IS ELSEWHERE".

I dont even know why i wrote that, plus, was my mind elsewhere for just one minute?

Thatd be alright.

BUT i wrote again at 1229pm saying "EURGH. :|"

Gosh im clueless about myself.

On February 10th i had my braces off and the next day i wrote "I look like the old me, which scares me, because i know ive changed" which is just so true.

Part II

And then Malay Dance training begins and goes on intensively in preparation for SYF.

Then on March 31st was our first showcase to the school.

Just one third of the whole dance and my left arm was tired.

I couldnt hold it up for no longer than 2 counts.

Then i was hit with fever and went home str8.

April 2nd was the showcase and i survived.

April 12th, the real thang.

April 14th, silver's shiny.

And then i had NAPFA and that was when i realized i couldnt even hold myself up on the pull up.

I couldnt run, i had to hold my left hand with my right hand because it would flab.

I couldnt jump because my feet and legs were heavy.

May 28th to 30th i was hospitalised for scans because the doctors didnt know whats wrong with me.

It was weird, i promised never to come back.

SO after that hospital stay i had to keep coming back for appointments and therapy.

I had to endure all the needles and scans and xrays.

And finally this is what mightve happened to me.

Mmmhmm and these squared ones are those they have aleady tested on me and stuff im experiencing (weakness, loss of strength n muscles, difficulties etc)

BUT that little last test they have not run on me.

Yup the Spinal Tap/Lumbar Puncture.

And guess whaat?!

Yes, im going back to the hospital tomorrow and i probably will be warded again.

To run that test.

So my Mum opted for me to be put to sleeping numbness so i wont feel anything but

im just really freaked.

Thoughts of the possibility that i might wake up in the middle of the whole process with pain gushing into my senses and head is scaring the hell out of me.

But i really want it to be over.

Yes, i fear needles and pain.

Ah everybody pray for me while i try to console myself.

Part III

Being a teenager taking her Os this year and being ambushed with health problems (rashes twice fever almost every month this thingy lack of sleep aches)..

i feel like i complain too much.

I happen to be a girl who thinks too far or too much and notice and absorb every little thing one says or does and stuff..

And after much thought and neverenough experience, id like to conclude (for now) that..

Everybody has their own problems to care about yours.

Yes problems can be shared but end of the day there is proabably just and only one person there to really listen and be by your side and try to make as many things as convenient as possible for you.

(In my case, the person is my Mum and Dad)

And this can only happen when your problem actually become/is their problem too.

Know what i mean?

So yeah when i think of sharing my problems now i think about how others have their own problems too.

And if i cant help them, i dont think they can either.

If i wont, they wont either.

So i try my best but ill leave you with this..

This i agree with and will probably involuntarily think about as well..

All in all, i really hope my next hospital stay (if any) will be tolerable and i will be cured when im back..

Sad that my holidays has to start this way..

I shall leave you with sort of a quote i read byTimothy Shieff..

All pictures taken and edited from Google and Tumblr.

You know i love you.

Goodbye